My First Arrest

Today was a court day.  Which is always interesting.  Lots of people came and tried to talk their way out of tickets, but these were my favorite:

One guy came in and asked why he had to see the Judge.  So I'm like:

"The reason you have to see the judge is that both of your charges are mandatory.  Your charges are driving on a suspended license, and then no insurance."

To which he responds by slamming his insurance card against the glass.  "There!"  He snarled.  "Can't I just pay now?"

Me (and based on the humidity, my hair probably looked like that):

So he goes into the courtroom, and I call the insurance company to verify that he was insured on the date he received the citation.  And he was not.

Maybe that's why he didn't want to go see the Judge so badly.  That or maybe the fact that he'd been charged with driving on a suspended license SIX TIMES.

So now, I'm excited, because SOMEONE IS GOING TO JAIL.  And based on this guy's attitude, he's not going down without a fight.  AND I'M SO EXCITED.

So I go into the courtroom and watch this guy's hearing.  And he's a complete angel, on his best behavior.  And the judge almost sentences him to just pay $400.  And I'm so disappointed.  

UNTIL...one of the court clerks whispers, "Judge...look how many times he's DOS (driving on a suspended license)."

And the Judge looks, and goes, "SIX?  Why do you keep driving on a suspended license?"

"Because my wife was in labor."

Really?  Six times in the past six months?  So the Judge tells him that because of how many times he had done it, he was going to serve a weekend in jail.  He immediately protests, saying he owns a body shop that's open 7 days a week.  And the Judge gives him until next Friday at 7:00 to report to the jail to serve his two day sentence.  And he also has to pay $300.

So I'm a little disappointed that nobody is being arrested, and I go back out the front to take his payment.  And in my head, I'm like:

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE YOU ARRESTED!!!  And he's upset, so he's like, "here's your money" and shoves it under the glass as hard as he can:

Before storming off after getting his receipt.

And then, I hear yelling in the courtroom.

So I go back, and I see someone crying and yelling that the Judge is trampling their rights as a human being, and that she is a sovereign citizen.  And then the handcuffs come out.  And I'm like:

I'M GOING TO SEE SOMEONE ARRESTED, AND I CANNOT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT!!!!!  And as she is being led out of the courtroom (past me), she yells "I'm going to f***ing sue South Ogden.  I'm going to sue the f*** out of you, and the judge, and this whole d*** city!"  And the Judge says, "Bring her back in here."  And I'm thinking:

And I'm loving this.  And he brings her back in the courtroom and tells her that she will be held in contempt if she uses that kind of language in his courtroom.  And she goes, "I wasn't in the courtroom.  I was out in the hall."  And the Judge yells "STOP TALKING!!"  

And she's like:

And then she continues to try to talk over him, telling him that she was going to get an attorney, and sue the city, and all of the cops, and the Judge, and the Judge finally yells, "SHUT UP."  And then she got transferred to the County Jail. 

And I was left feeling like:

I've made it through my first arrest, and I LOVED IT!!

Also, I didn't see this one, but the other court clerks told me about it, and I thought it was hilarious.  There was a sixty year old gay man, who came in for assaulting the mother of his partner (who was over seventy).  She pulled off his wig, and was skipping in a circle while clapping her hands, laughing and saying, "Baldy, baldy!!  You're a baldy!!"

So he pulled her hair to make her understand what it was like to have her hair pulled.  So he was charged with assault.  "But you don't understand!  When you're bald and wear a hair piece, and someone pulls it off and makes fun of you for being bald, it's like somebody pulling down your pants and making fun of your "peep" (he used the actual word, but I was concerned that using the actual word wasn't blog appropriate) for being too small."

The Judge didn't like that analogy, very much.  So he was found guilty of assault against his seventy year+ mother-in-law.

My job:

But:

I love it, and truly enjoy it.  I'm probably just mean enough to love it.  But I don't care.