The Grinch Of Court

Dearest Friends, today I realized something.

I am the Grinch of Court.

I come into work in the morning, and I get about my favorite part of the day: warnings.  When I tell people, "GUESS WHAT?!  NOW YOU OWE US $50 MORE!!!"  And my little black heart skips a beat with delight.  I sit there, typing out warnings, and my face goes like this:

And people call, and they're like, "What?!  But it was $50 less yesterday?!"  And I tell them that yes, it was $50 yesterday, but TODAY is NOT YESTERDAY.  Today, it is $50 more.  And they go:

And I go:

On to ruining other people's days!!

Today a lady called in, and she said that she had court in Syracuse, and if she didn't show up there, they would give her a bench warrant.  I told her she had a warrant already with our court, and she asked me for her options.  I told her she could pay the full amount (over $1,000), or she could come to court tomorrow and talk to the Judge.  

"Well, what would you do?"

"I can't advise you what to do, only tell you that you have a warrant, give you the amount, and the court days."

"Well, what am I supposed to do with my baby?"

"A babysitter?"  In my head, I think, "And you should probably see if that babysitter would be willing to stay 44 days, because that's what your warrant is for, and since you're on last chance, chances are you're going to jail."

After she hung up, I received another call, from (it turns out) the woman's mother-in-law.

"Is this the Court?" 

"Yes, it is."

"I saw on Facebook that you guys are looking for my daughter-in-law.  She just moved out of my house, and I've got her new address, if you want it."

And I'm like:

So I get her updated address, and I'm so proud of myself.  

The other day, someone called and wanted to know why their recycle hadn't been picked up.  I told him I didn't know, that he would have to call the garbage company and see why they had left the recycle bin.  I gave him the phone number, and prepared to hang up, when:

"WELL, WHAT DAY ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO PICK UP MY RECYCLE?"

It's never going to be easy, is it?  I look up his address and tell him that his recycle will be picked up on Wednesday, same day as his garbage.

"NUH-UH."

"The garbage company just recently changed it, so that they picked up recycle and garbage on the same day."

"Well, WE didn't get any notification of it!"

"Well, we sent out notification, and it was also in the newsletter."

"Well, we didn't know.  Nobody knew.  So Wednesday?"

"Yes."  The conversation is drawing to a close...I'm almost there!!

"Well, yesterday was Wednesday." 

"Yes..."

"So why wasn't my recycle picked up?"

"I don't know, sir, if you would call the garbage company, they would be able to tell you."

"Is there anyone there SMARTER than YOU than can help me with this?"

Leaving me thinking:

I thought about hanging up at that point, but instead I just transferred him into oblivion.  Moral of the story:  BE NICE TO ME, OR ELSE I WILL SEND YOU TO THE PUBLIC WORKS PHONE, AND THEY LEAVE AT 3:00.

But I always get home at the end of the day, reminding myself that I am the Grinch of the Court, and all I can think is: